The Present

Today is better.

I have managed, by the Lord's strength, to clean my house. He helped my children be cooperative and they did an excellent job helping me. I am now living by one of fly lady's quotes,
"Housework done incorrectly still blesses your family."

I did correctly pick up the house well and vacuum thoroughly, I got my daughters to windex all smudged areas and Febreeze the furniture, (important note- give children 3 and under a spray bottle of water and they will love to clean) however, I not so thoroughly used the chlorox wipes to clean the whole bathroom. But hey, it's disinfected even if it hasn't been scrubbed perfectly clean. God made dirt, and dirt don't hurt...generally :)

Yesterday, mid-morning, I was feeling better and wanted to try to stick to my routines. I figured I could at least do the dishes, pick up a little, and do a load of laundry. I did! And the house didn't get out of control. Well it was messy, but I was able to really clean it up good after bathtime last night. I even did the dishes before bed, wow.

I have been pretty frustrated with myself lately, because you know, looking at the monthly list I am way behind. I enjoy sewing, but it does take chunks of time, isn't portable, and I'm no expert at it. What's even more frustrating is that fabric is no longer cheap. It might cost me more to make something myself than go to walmart. In the case with Easter dresses, if I made the pretty fluffy ones with fancy fabrics, it certainly would cost me a lot more than buying it depending on where you go. But I opted for printed cottons and a simple pattern. That way it has several uses.

I am rambling now...what I'm getting at is I keep looking back to what I was. How efficient I was in everything before pregnancy. I was like a giant in faith too. I have been examining myself closely trying to figure out what happened.

Two things:
1. My husband and I both allowed our focus to shift from the One our faith is in, to the things we needed to happen. Seeking the blessing more than the One who blesses. Checking off my list of things I did right to get to the end rather than walking in love relationship with Jesus.

2. I have allowed various harmful things into my thoughtlife and have permitted them to become habitual ways of thinking. One example is body hatred. I have loathed my body for awhile, and God really spoke to me yesterday, that my body is His temple and how dare I look at it with hatred. So I had to forgive myself and love myself. There are other things that have been going on, very personal though. Little sneaky things that become strongholds if not rooted out.

Another thing that I have realized is that even in the span of a few months, the pressure is greater. Somewhere in the Bible, I haven't found it yet, there is a passage about the pressure of the last days being so great that God would have to shorten the days. Things are happening faster than I imagined, and the pressure is greater, therefore it's more difficult to stand strong.

So now, I must look to the present state of my life, not backwards. It seems we're always looking to the future or to the past, not the present. I can't change the past and I don't know the future, so it's best to focus on the here and now. Hard to do. This is the new me- pregnant, mom of three active children, a bigger home to care for, a husband who is in a stressful job position and a never ending desire to escape the mundane :) I don't cook from scratch near as much as before when finances were very tight; I sometimes bake bread and goodies, I don't hang my clothes outside ( no line yet), I don't use cloth diapers much, I don't wear skirts/dresses exclusively, I allow more junk food for my children...

But, we're in a new phase and our life may never look like it did before. That's ok, gotta go where God wants us. Soon, it will be summer, and life will not revolve around keeping house. I want to spend lots of time with the girls before the baby gets here and our garden will be in full swing. Plus, my 5 year old will start school next fall, and I will see less of her. Then we'll have a new baby and school will start. My three year old may even go to preschool, so life will be very different. My blog might even go out then, we'll see.

So I'm just reminding myself to get to reality and live in the now with what we're doing now, not what I hope it will be or what I used to be. I'm doing my best and that's all that is required.