Modesty

Wow, I am so amazed at what is available to us online. I found some awesome resources for Bible study while searching the women-wearing pants thing out. And thank you all for the great comments- they have been so helpful to me.

I did some more studying last night and this morning. The verse that many people use as the basis of women wearing only dress is generally Deuteronomy 22:5 as quoted in my post below. I did much research and found that what is really being said is that during this time many of the Gentiles worshiped Venus. In part of the worship, because she was considered both male and female, women would put armor and helmets on and take up weapons, and men would dress themselves like the women. Because this was idolatry, God said doing so was an abomination. In several of the commentaries I read they all said that men's and women's clothes had very little distinction- all robed garments.

So again, there is the cultural aspect, the people of that time all wore loose, flowing robe-like garments with several other pieces underneath. I had a bit of a revelation too. I was thinking about how the people in the Middle East continue to dress in long, robe-like garments and how the women in the Muslim religion are so heavily covered and veiled.The men probably made the women dress so cloaked and covered because they knew what was in men's hearts. They know the power that a beautiful woman can have over a man, and if he be evil without the Holy Spirit indwelling him and governing him, then he can and most likely will sin.
A Christian man that has the Holy Spirit can in God's strength control his passions and desires and 'beat his body into subjection' as Paul says. Even so, women shouldn't be boldly tempting men, whether they are intending to or not. A modest heart, a meek and quiet spirit, will be mindful of how she appears to others, and will not in good conscience expose herself in a way to make others sin. Even before I learned much about modesty, if I wore something that might show something private, I felt the pricking of the Holy Spirit in my conscience. Short shorts, two piece swimsuits or swimsuits in general, low cut or backless tops, short tight skirts and tight clothing in general gave me a feeling of uncertainty and without peace. It didn't feel right.

This morning I re-read 1 Timothy 2:9-10

"In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety, not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or with costly array: But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works."

and 1 Peter 3:3-4

"Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

I did the word studies using the Greek lexicon, and from what I am reading and understanding, Paul is talking about the inner man. Especially here in 1 Peter 3:5

"For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:"

The 'holy women in the old times' adorned themselves with the 'meek and quiet' spirit, worth much to God. From what I can see, to the Lord, it doesn't matter. Of course, we as Christian sisters ought to be mindful of the Christian brethren and men in general, and do all possible to encourage and help them live a pure and holy life. How can they do that if they are so distracted by our lack of clothing? Or if we are clothed but every detail of our body is visible underneath?

I think it is important, especially in this time period, that we work hard to look and act like women, to be feminine in appearance and manner. To have that softness and tenderness that Webster spoke of. For me, if I am so focused on what to wear or not to wear, then I lose perspective on what really matters- winning more souls for Jesus! So what have I been wearing lately? Dresses and skirts! Most of the time they are a lot more comfortable and forgiving than pants. But, somethings are just easier in pants. For me I feel more ready to work because I can 'get down and dirty' with pants on and not worry about my clothes getting in the way. I always get my skirt twisted when getting in the car and have to readjust everything. They cover hairy legs, LOL!

Deep down, I want to recapture the beauty and elegance in times gone past; my screen name is Anne at Heart you know, I love how the women looked then. And I think it's great and fun to recreate those fashions and wear them, but certainly not a requirement. So where will I go from here? I'm not totally for sure yet. My husband thinks it's fine for me to wear pants and shorts, but he also thinks I look slimmer and more flattering in dresses/skirts. He likes to come home to us looking nice, whether it be in a dress or something else. I do feel different in a dress- more feminine and more submissive. I feel stronger and more powerful in pants, but not in a bad way. It's just different.

I may give it a try and see how it goes- wearing both. I do wear my one pair of capri blue jeans at least once a week. I think they look good until they loosen (after they've been worn awhile) and start sagging a bit. I reserve them for hot days and working days. I plan to talk with my husband about it some more and we'll decide together.

I hope this makes sense and doesn't sound like a bunch of rambling. I'm not into citing all my references etc. because I'm not trying to prove anything. This is a personal journey and process, not a teaching :)

What I've been doing today

Well, I've been doing my normal Monday stuff- washing clothes and bedding, tidying up from the weekend, quickly cleaning bathrooms and floors and various other things. But, as you know I've been looking deeper at the modest and feminine dress issue, and have really been struggling even more. So, this morning before everyone woke up and during nap time I've been searching the Scriptures. I have to find out what God is clearly speaking for myself- I may come to the same conclusion as others, but I need to find it for myself.

My biggest question is: Are women immodest when wearing pants?

I have done word studies using a Hebrew and Greek lexicon- I've cross referenced and used the dictionary. And yes, in the Bible, clothing generally is referred to as long, flowing, robes, coats etc.
But I keep coming back to the idea that in that time and culture, men and women wore long flowing garments. They both wore undergarments of some type and the main difference between male and female dress was that women wore veils and head pieces at times.

A lot of people use Deuteronomy 22:5

"The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God. "

What I am wondering is since their apparel was so similar, how could they cross dress? I guess if men wore jewelry or veils and women didn't? Men in our country and in many countries don't wear robes. In some cultures they go naked, because in their particular culture that is acceptable. Yes, in America a man wearing a dress would be considered cross-dressing, but the Bible wasn't written by Americans in a modern time.

Now I'm not saying we should discount this verse at all just because we don't live in the 'olden days'. These are just my thoughts that I'm mulling over right now. So is women wearing dresses cultural? What does it really mean to be modest?

I went to Webster's 1828 dictionary, and this is what I found under the definition of modesty.

"MOD'EST, a. [L. modestus, from modus, a limit.]

1. Properly, restrained by a sense of propriety; hence, not forward or bold; not presumptuous or arrogant; not boastful; as a modest youth; a modest man.

2. Not bold or forward; as a modest maid. The word may be thus used without reference to chastity.

The blushing beauties of a modest maid.

3. Not loose; not lewd.

Mrs. Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife.

4. Moderate; not excessive or extreme; not extravagant; as a modest request; modest joy; a modest computation.

MOD'ESTY, n. [L. modestia.] That lowly temper which accompanies a moderate estimate of one's own worth and importance. This temper when natural, springs in some measure from timidity, and in young and inexperienced persons, is allied to bashfulness and diffidence. In persons who have seen the world, and lost their natural timidity, modesty springs no less from principle than from feeling, and is manifested by retiring, unobtrusive manners, assuming less to itself than others are willing to yield, and conceding to others all due honor and respect, or even more than they expect or require.

2. Modesty, as an act or series of acts, consists in humble, unobtrusive deportment, as opposed to extreme boldness, forwardness, arrogance, presumption, audacity or impudence. Thus we say, the petitioner urged his claims with modesty; the speaker addressed the audience with modesty.

3. Moderation; decency.

4. In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle. Unaffected modesty is the sweetest charm of female excellence, the richest gem in the diadem of their honor."

From what I read here, it seems that modesty is more an internal issue. A woman can be dressed in a beautiful feminine dress, but if she is proud and haughty about her choice to dress in such a way, that is not modesty. A woman that is heartily serving the Lord with a meek and quiet spirit that wears blue jeans has the internal qualities of modesty. I'm not talking about those that wear the low cut shirts, the tight pants and miniskirts etc. I am thinking of people like my mom and those I go to church with- amazing ladies that are full of love and have a servant's heart, that wear pants.

I even talked to my dad about the subject, whom is quite knowledgeable and wise, and he didn't really think it mattered one way or the other what a woman wore, as long as she was covered. Now I didn't know what to think and neither did my husband. I have been so heavy hearted trying to figure this out. I don't want to spend a considerable amount of time on something that isn't all that important- if it really doesn't matter if I wear pants or not, then I don't want to spend a large percent of my time seeking out modest dresses or sewing them. I like to do those things, but it takes a lot of time and effort since I have three girls and myself to clothe. It has become a burden to me at times.

Now, before anyone starts bashing me or 'proving me wrong'- know that I am in the process right now. I love beautiful dresses- I love seeing my girls in cute, ruffled and laced dresses. But time is so short, and I want to be focused on the right things and not chasing something that is a rabbit trail. So that's what I'm trying to find out. Does it really and truly matter to our God. Dresses only? Are pants ok? I hope to know soon...

My Modest Dress Journey

(get this print at allposters.com)


I have been thinking a lot about feminine dress lately. Namely, wearing only dresses. I don't remember exactly where I was, but I know that it was on the internet through Ladies Against Feminism that I first learned about modest and feminine dress. It was such an epiphany- I mean, I had never heard about modest and feminine dress before- at all! As I began to learn more I became very convicted, and then frustrated. How was I going to change my wardrobe? I didn't know how to sew, was a weird size, didn't have a lot of money to spend on clothes and I had a 19 month old and an 8 month old.

But, it was in my heart to change. My mom sort of pushed me into sewing, and after several blunders I started to understand the process. I started making clothes for my girls and began attempting to make some for myself. I've gradually either made or bought skirts and dresses over the past three years. However lately, my attitude has changed. As I've been seeing a lot of other moms when taking my daughter to preschool or when going to MOPS, they all look the same. The uniform is blue jeans, capri pants, knit tops (some are quite tight and low cut) and tennis shoes or flip flops. (I do love flip flops though)

In my mind I reason, 'Well, they dress like that and they look fine.' 'It sure would be easier for me to just wear what the stores carry.' ' Maybe it doesn't really matter what we wear, God is concerned with a right and obedient heart.' No one I know or see dresses femininely. Most ladies I know do try to be modest, but as I've been learning, pants can't really be considered that modest.

Thanks to a link on Candy's site, I started reading the articles on feminine dress. And wouldn't you know, those just happen to be the very first things I ever read about modest dress. Monday I was really struggling- I was tired of trying to look nice and wear dresses all the time, I wanted to do what everyone else did because it was easier and I wouldn't stick out. So I really started praying about it and made time to read those articles about modest dress.

It is very eye-opening. One of my main reasons for dressing modestly, was for the sake of others. I can't get specific, but someone very very close to me has always had a hard time with lust. In this day I almost can't blame them- everywhere you look women are exposing all they got. I don't want to cause Christian men to stumble, I don't want to tempt other women's husbands. I want men to be able to go to church and be safe from all of that. As I sit and wait my turn to pick up Alexa, I see other moms and grandmothers going in the church to get their children, and you know what I notice first? Their midsection and rears! I didn't think it was true at first, but that is the first thing I notice, not their face. I don't want someone else's first sight of me to be my leftover baby belly and surplus rump! How nicely a flowy skirt or dress would skim over those areas.

Now I'm taking an even deeper look at the issue, because I have three daughters to raise. I am their example and if it's better to be modest than hip, then I want to teach them that. It is better to do what the Bible says than what the world says. Now I have to live it out before them. I am still struggling a little- I have a rebellious attitude flaring up at me, and I'm trying to crush it with the Word of God. I don't look forward to dealing with other people in this area, but this could be an avenue to sharing the Gospel. It's really not about me and what I would like best, but about what would glorify the Lord and lead others to Him. Big change.

I am trying to decide if we should get rid of all pants, or keep a pair for each person in case we have a sudden blizzard or some other strange circumstance. I'm still chewing on it. If anyone is interested here are some of the articles I read.

The Sin of Bathsheba

Let's Talk Modesty

Bible Guidelines About Clothing

My Week of Feminine Dress revisited

I sort of participated in Candy's week of feminine dress, well I did mine a little while ago. Anyways, I'm reposting it all in one post so she can link to it from her site.

Last day of Feminine Dress

This is the dress I wore to the outdoor work party the other day. (please pardon the wrinkles, no time to iron this morning) I made it from a pattern and majorly altered it. I bought the fabric off the $1 table at Wal-Mart three years ago! It's very light 100% Indian cotton. I have to wear a full slip underneath, and next year I will be making a cotton one. This nylon one from the store does not breathe!

The dress is supposed to look like the shirts I've been wearing, with a V-neckline and a waistband with the gathered skirt attached. I attempted to simplify it a bit, and unfortunately couldn't find the waistband piece. So, I made one free hand and it's uneven. Oh well. The pattern is a very pale sky blue, gray and white stripe. The fabric is so delicate that every time i wash it, even on the handwash cycle, a seam rips open. I have some mending to do...

Well, I hope you liked peeking into my closet. Summer weather will be here for awhile yet, so I'll be wearing these clothes for the next month or so. Then I'll have to start gathering cooler weather clothes. I hope I'll have some time to sew some clothes and am thinking of ordering the Edwardian walking skirt pattern from Sensibility. It looks very simple and flattering.

Now I'm off the get going on my busy day :)

** It's interesting that I look like I have something of a tan in these pictures. I have been outside this summer, but only swimming once and I'm usually in the shade. Must be our lighting.

Week of Feminine Dress Sunday

I got a good picture today. I am wearing an aqua- sea green stretchy blouse, bought at Cato. It's a style similar to Friday's shirt. My skirt is also from Cato, is a side zipping A-line skirt that hits just below the knees. The fabric is very light- there's a built in slip- and I like the interesting polka dots. I have makeup and jewelry today, yea! My hair looks the same, but I used tiny claw clips all over my head, mostly because I couldn't find the big one. I did my hair like that a lot when it was very short and growing out- not recommended.



Since I didn't get a post up for Saturday, I may try to get one tomorrow since it was supposed to be a full week. We'll see...this is the last week of me traveling back and forth for speech therapy, yea! Then vacation!! Yea!!! Then school starts for both my girls. Then comes the Biblical Feast...life isn't boring around here :)

**Edited to add- after doing this week of feminine dress, I have to say my self image has improved. I don't look near as bad as I thought I did. And it actually appears that somehow I've lost inches because I look much trimmer than before. Thanks for all the nice comments and I hope it's been helpful and enjoyable.

Day 5 Feminine Dress

Yea Friday! Such a busy week, I'm so tired :)

Today I am wearing a knit top with a blue Hawaiian floral print. It's my favorite. It wasn't too modest until I altered the front so it wouldn't gape open. My skirt is a gored, stretchy denim, also a previous maternity skirt :( But, it really just has an elastic waist, no tummy panel, so it works just fine and still fits, so why not wear it? The skirt is shin length- not too short or too long.
Today's agenda- since there has been no other time this week I must go grocery shopping with the kiddies. Not my favorite thing to do, unless we go early and get a good cart. I also must cram in cleaning bathrooms, floors, dusting, clean out fridge...(I just didn't get to it yesterday with the afternoon party)

Have a good Friday everyone!


Note: Last night when I was at the party for my husband's department, I noticed that every woman there wore short shorts, tank tops or capri pants. I wore a very light dress that I made
(and I plan to get the picture up here too), my hair up, and sandals and I think I was the only one not complaining of the heat. (It was at a lake park) Not that I'm judging other women for not wearing a dress, but I was much cooler with a loose dress blowing around me instead of blue jean capri pants and polyester tank top, which I considered wearing. I did stick out a bit though...oh well :)

Day 4 of Feminine Dress

Today I am wearing my all time favorite dress for working around the house. I ordered it from Blair.com and it's a bit large and the color isn't the best for me. But it wears well, and I don't worry about something happening to it since I already have some paint stained at the hem. I like the two pockets and that it has no zippers or buttons in the back.

I won't be taking pictures of the girls today. I usually work in my kitchen on Thursdays- cleaning appliances/fridge and cooking, plus I forgot my husband and I are to attend a special party for him and his coworkers early this afternoon. (in the lovely August heat) So, that will cut my kitchen day short. I had a long day yesterday and I'm tired, hence the lack of a big smile.

You can also see that my hair is very curly when I go to sleep with it wet:)

Day 3 Dressing Femininely

Well, here we are on the third day of seeing how I dress. I am actually wearing a maternity dress...when you are pregnant 4 times in three years, you tend to only have maternity clothes in your closet. And I am not one of those fortunate people who go back to a normal size after babies- I still look pregnant! Anyways, this is a navy/daisy print dress made of some very soft and flowy fabric, probably rayon again. Babies are mesmerized by this dress- high contrast! It is actually pretty long too- close to ankle length. I also like to pair it with this sheer white eyelet mini-jacket(?). It's very light and covers my undefined arms :) It also works great if you forgot to shave, LOL!! I took it off after the picture so I could scrub a pot. No makeup or jewelry yet, and I will be wearing my same brown sandals as pictured on Monday.



The girls are wearing sporty polo shirts and skorts today- there is playground equipment inside the therapy place, and my girls like to climb all over it with their rears in the air with a dress on. I haven't made up any new bloomers yet either, so these work nicely. Sarah got her hair fixed today- we'll see how long that stays up! She always seems to have a pacifier when I take her picture.

Day 2 Dressing Femininely

Good morning, bright and early :) Today I am wearing a handmade 'practice' dress that my grandmother made for me out of fabric and notions she already had and also all from Wal-Mart. We were trying out a pattern. I usually wear it at home. I believe it's all cotton and is a pull-over dress- nice and easy. No shoes this morning :) I have included a close up of my hair- too.





































And here are the girls. They're dresses are stretchy knits bought from Wal-Mart by their grandmother. Sarah's used to be a dress, but she's grown up so much, it's a shirt. She is wearing some pantalettes I made for the other two. I just used white muslin with a bit of lace. They've been through a lot!
Today's agenda- Tuesday is my laundry day until after summer, so I will be washing, folding, ironing and all that. I will also be making a gallon or so of chicken stock for a lentil soup I'm making for the church Biblical Feast. It will go in the freezer till I finish making the soup. I may make some challah bread too...just depends on how much I get done today.

Week of Feminine Dress

Today is the first day of my Week in Feminine Dress post. I probably won't have any action shots because my camera doesn't have a timer, so hubby will have to take them before he leaves for work. I will try to include how my daughters dress too.

Today I am wearing a linen/rayon blend dress I bought for $13 a few weeks ago! I've never worn a dress this style before and I like how it looks on me. The colors are a brown, red and khaki plaid and it's a bit scratchy so I'm wearing a nylon full length slip underneath. This is a 'going out of the house dress'- as today I am taking Leiah to her speech therapy, and, while most women there don't care how they look in public, I do!

I am also wearing some brown slide on sandals. I only wear shoes that slide on and off- just habit and no time to mess with anything else :) It's amazing how the camera adds about 20lbs to you too :( No makeup yet, maybe not at all, just depends. Also, my hair is down to my shoulders, but in summer it goes up in a 'claw' clip. I also use tiny claw clips for the front of my hair, and it sort of has an Edwardian look to it :) I really am Anne at heart.

Here are the girls. Amazingly I only bought two of the dresses, and they were from resale shops. I have been very blessed because almost all of my kids' clothes have been given to me or purchased at a very low price. I also try to coordinate their colors and mine. It just bothers me if we're not at least in the same color family. So we have a blend of red, white, navy and brown.

Aren't Leiah's glasses cute?

I must confess, it is 100 degrees today, and my linen dress wasn't as much linen as I thought. As soon as we got home it had to come off! So I am wearing old dingy maternity t-shirt and shorts because I will be scraping wallpaper off later. I did put makeup on though :)