A long one

For anyone who is tired of my posts about pregnancy, sorry. It does take up a lot of my thinking time, and it has altered the way I feel quite a bit, so it's a big topic :)

I have to say that, finding out the gender of the baby has been weird. I wanted a boy for my husband, but I sort of feel...lost. What do I do with a boy? Are they the same as girls? (besides physically) I mean, will I bond with him like I did the girls? I know girls, and lets be honest here, shopping for girls is a lot more fun :)

Right after my appointment Friday we went to an outlet mall and they had very few boy things. Some were cute, most were ok. Plus, the only children his age will be girls. His boy cousins will be so much older that they won't 'play' much. What will happen to him? Will he make the girls' miserable? Will he get lonely? I sort of wish now that I were having twin boys, at least he'd be assured of a playmate.

Everyone is so excited for us though. And, all week long I had a 'knowing' that it was a boy, I just didn't say because I didn't want to be wrong. And then, a very trusted elder in the church had a dream we were having a boy too :)

One thing I have not shared with anyone but my husband is back in the fall, I kept having dreams about me having a baby boy. I began to have a strong desire to have another baby. I felt like I should work hard to get healthier and try to lose weight (thus my weightloss urge and blog) and then get pregnant in the winter. I told my husband, but we just weren't sure about having another baby. I did what I was supposed to, except for the losing a lot of weight part, and then I guess God helped us out.

I have not used hormonal birth control in over a year. I knew my cycle very well, and we would take precautions on the fertile days. Well, I ovulated as normal, but I guess the Lord prolonged my fertile period because I conceived late in the cycle, when I shouldn't have been fertile. So this past week, He reminded me of the 'promise' He gave me back in the fall, and that it was a boy.

That's exciting. A child of promise; an appointed child to be born at a specific time. Another John the Baptist?? LOL. I don't know, but a special one for sure. Maybe he will be like his namesake, Jonah, except his name is going to be Jonas. We picked that name when I was expecting my first. I wasn't sure we'd ever get to use it :)

So anyways, I have made a decision about birth. I am having a c-section. I talked with my doctor about vbac some more, and he was very kind and informative about it. He has witnessed two uterine ruptures himself. I have had three surgeries, and while my uterus is in good shape, no one knows what the scar looks like.

This is also the last child. I would like to get a tubal done while in surgery, because I don't want to have to come back later and do it and I don't want to deal with the worry every month wondering if I'm pregnant again :) Four children are plenty, even if this was a girl, this would be it. My husband is going to be 38 when this one is born, and I just think it's time to move on to the next phase after this one. I am blessed to experience pregnancy again, and look forward to our new baby, but, my body is hurting more this time, and I'm done :)

So, while I do wish natural birth would have worked, I don't feel like I'm missing out. This is the path I am walking. My mother-in-law had to do the same thing. My last recovery was the best, so I believe this one will be even better. I will just be doing all I can to help aid recovery. I have lots of time to pray over it. I don't enjoy the process, but once they start the surgery, it goes fast and I usually feel fine. I've never had any complications at all. The babies have always been perfectly fine- no jaundice, no breathing issues, nothing.

Now watch my water break and me have a super fast labor so that by the time I get to the hospital I have the baby naturally :)

Anyways, my oldest is on spring break this week. We have had cold rainy weather for days and I sooo hope it clears up. I want to be able to do something special while she's out. Today is just a laundry day and catching up on housework leftovers from the weekend. Maye I'll get adventurous and paint everyone's toe nails- I have the same polish on them since before Christmas!!