December 15, 2009

Feelin' like Scrooge

I've been avoiding the blog.

Yes, because I can't seem to NOT write about my honest feelings or NOT be real and write fluffy stuff when I don't feel fluffy.

So, what do you do when the thing you want to happen isn't, and the things you DON'T want to happen, is happening? You feel disappointed and maybe guilty.

My situation is December is flying by. I did NOT want our holidays to be so crammed with activities and events and just stuff to do that it was a burden. The one main thing I wanted to do was put out lots of lights outside in our front yard.

Didn't happen. It rained for three weekends. The whole month of December got filled up by the the 4th! I feel obligated to do these things, because a lot of it is family, yet it feels unfair. I didn't hardly get to enjoy decorating our home because it was so rushed. I had zero time before Thanksgiving to do any Christmas prep as far as decor and gifts go, because I was hosting Thanksgiving and family. Then before you know it, there it is and now we're on December 15th. So much for making that Advent calendar!

Now, I have a child that has to stay home from school and miss all her fun stuff until Thursday because she came down with strep throat and bronchitis. I have two parties to attend and bring food and gifts to, make presents for teachers, make the rest of the homemade presents, make at least two more shopping trips and somehow get my children to see Santa Clause because they REALLY want to. This isn't what I wanted.

What did I want? More TIME! Time to make those neat cinnamon/applesauce ornaments I've been wanting to do for years. Time to make an advent calendar so that instead of asking every day when Santa Clause is coming, they can look at how many days are left on the calendar. I wanted time to enjoy carefully and slowly decorating the house and tree, time to enjoy making crafts and presents, and time to plan ahead with the baking and cooking. Time to read the Christmas stories, watch the Christmas shows and spend time with the kiddies.

I wanted all the other daily chores to do themselves so I could focus on other things :) Who wants to do laundry and plan meals when there are so many other things to do? Yet, here I am in the middle of a PILE of kid laundry, needing to make a pot of soup for the sick one, figuring out how to find time to bake cupcakes for school and just overall feeling bad because I don't want Christmas to be suddenly over before I'm ready.

Then I wonder, why do I feel like I have to make things perfect. Why do I feel that no one will be happy with a good try? I can't remember if the house was clean or the laundry done on Christmas morning. I don't remember if there was clutter or paper piles or if the floor was vacuumed or if the bedrooms were in order. I don't remember casting a judgmental eye at my mom for not looking or doing things perfect or spending time making crafts and gingerbread houses. In my eyes, they way it was, WAS perfect. It couldn't get any better- we had the BEST Christmases in my opinion.

So how do you make yourself chill? I don't know...I get into this mode and haven't figured out a way to let it go yet. I guess I need to prioritize better and make sure the most important things are covered and not sweat the rest. Maybe I'm just tired and dealing with hormones. Maybe I need a drink, ha,ha :)

Maybe it's because I don't think there are many Christmases left before Jesus returns, and I want to make the most of the ones we have. I don't want to be remembered in my children's eyes that mom was mean and stressed at Christmas.

I wish I could start December over.


Mrs. Darling said...

My guess is that you are tired and dealing with hormones. :)

Life still has to be lived even though its Christmas. Just do your best. Take time to read stories to the kids and make them hot chocolate. All they will really remember is the time you have spent with them.

Leah said...

Oh my internet friend. =)
This seems to be my plight, you are not alone. Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim.....

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm gonna let you have it, girl... :-P

Whoah! Slow down. I don't do hardly any of the stuff you mentioned. I'm not even sure I know what half of that is, LOL.

Your post about all of the decorating and lights and stuff is totally foreign to me. We've never done that stuff, not even growing up.

For us, Christmas is very simple. We praise and worship the Lord, give each other gifts, pig out on too much food, and play games. That's it, and we love it. :-)

It's not about asthetics and lots of sugar cookies. It's about being with your family, and enjoying each other's company.

If I were you, I'd drop the whole decorating idea, inside and out, and just stick with minimal baking, and wraping presents.

Done. ;-)

Drop the chores, which really don't mean much, or make a difference in the long run, and just enjoy your family. :-)

Anneatheart said...

LOL! Yes, I overdo it. Candy, I think it just depends on your personality type. I've always been the artsy create/decorate person. My best friend and I are both that way, and we get WAY excited about going to Hobby Lobby :) So many possibilities, not near enough time.

I know I probably should drop some things, and some of them just got dropped because of other people. I just want it to all be meaningful, and want my children to really remember that we love Christmas for more than just presents. They know of course, that it's all about Jesus' birth, but they're kids, and don't quite get it all yet. If you've ever seen the movie Christmas Vacation, then you'll know that I'm like the female Chevy Chase :) I must suppress it!!

Anonymous said...

I've been reading your blog for a while and I love it. You're real and live life like many of us and that's exactly why I love reading your blog.
I always think about next year and I hate that I'm that way because in the end it's almost as if I've wished this year away. I try to remember to slow down and enjoy the NOW. I also understand wanting to decorate, bake, make things and have a perfect Christmas. But as you said you thought your Christmas growing up was perfect but I'd venture to say that your mom wishes she had more time for more things. Your kids will be the same way, feeling that their Christmas was perfect, that mom and dad made it wonderful.
One thing that's helped me is starting VERY early. When Christmas is over, give yourself a little time to regroup and then make those ornaments. It can be super fun to do this in Feb. or March and put them away. Double the fun really because you get to reflect on Christmas past while making the ornaments and then when you pull them back out for Christmas you reflect on the time spent making them.
Just remember your kids will love you and be happy regardless of how much decorating or baking you do or don't do!

Stormie said...

We had a little old lady that lived across the street from us when my oldest (10) was just a little thing:) She has since passed away :( But I remember she came to visit one day. Not for long, just a few min and I kept apologizing about the mess. There were toys thrown around and the clothes were in a heap on the couch because I still hadn't found time to fold them. She never had children and I assumed that she would be looking down at me and my inability to keep house the way I should, but instead she looked at me and in her great wisdom informed me that "someday you will wish you had toys on the floor and clothes to fold". Such a simple thought, but it says sooo much. That is what I try to remember every time I can't complete my job to the amount or perfection which only I think is necessary. Which I do just as often as every other mother :)

liz from new york said...

ahhh..time is my enemy too! still have to buy the kids gifts, wrap, FOOD shop, the bane of my existence, but NOT because i dont like to, i love it, but to do it right, and save the most amount of money, i need an unhurried block of time alone, im the wacko in front of you with all my coupons flying around, lol!and the week is flying by, no cookies baked(yet), no stockings up,hubby needing his(ahem) attention,the list goes on.just love your family, cookies or not, and like anon said, dont wish the season away.