Failure

Some days are just a bit more challenging than others. Yesterday went unusually well- I had all the laundry done, all the other cleaning done, we did some 'school' with my preschoolers, had some outside fun and ended it with a BBQ at the park with Daddy. Things were great.

Today, well, I could hardly drag myself out of bed...the kids were grouchy because they went to bed very late last night, and the baby is battling fever. I felt quite foggy in my brain, but I still managed to get most of things done I needed to.

Then, while I was making bread, I noticed my oldest girls were giggling a lot. They were supposed to be looking at books, however, my middle child snooped through the desk and found a yellow highlighter and a permanent marker. They were taking turns marking on themselves, face, arms , feet and book. They looked like natives ready for battle. Thank goodness they didn't start marking the couch. There was some major disciplining for that one.

Then it was nap time. Overall the girls have been a handful today, more so than usual, and I've not been as loving and patient as I'd like to be, meaning the voice got raised and lots of corner time. I start comparing myself to other moms and then start to feel like I've just totally failed. This is the worst thing in the world to me, to fail at something. My biggest fear- failure. That I couldn't handle the job, didn't measure up, wasn't smart enough or competent to not only pass, but to make the A+. I was always the A student and went the extra mile to get those extra points. To have been below that would have been humiliation, because I knew I was capable of being the best. I guess it's carried over into my mothering and homemaking as well. To be the best at everything.
Dumb, I know, certainly not practical, and not a healthy way to view one's self. Sometimes the only way to learn is make mistakes.

Well, I am learning. I forget that I'm only human, and that God does promise to forgive us 7 times 70 everyday! Maybe Alexa's middle name is Grace because she and I were both going to need a lot of it! Meanwhile, I'm going to take a more serious approach to child training in the coming weeks...