April 12, 2011

Getting some understanding

So, getting back into blogging is still becoming a habit for me. I probably will not do it everyday of course. Yesterday I took pictures of my garden, so that will be an upcoming post all by itself.

Today I took Sarah, my five year old to the dentist. She was so excited! And, it really is a neat place with a cool hippie like doctor :) After that I went by my husband's new office. I got the tour of the place and he showed off part of his family :) (no he didn't get a new job, they just moved to a new building)

It was later as I was driving home I got a revelation. The last several months I've been in kind of a homemaking/housewife lull. After doing it for close to a decade, it's lost its luster sort of. I'm just much more lackadaisical about my duties, which isn't necessarily terrible. But still, it has been devalued in my mind.

However I've read all the books you know, Fascinating Womanhood and Created to be His Helpmeet. For a time, when dh and I were going through some difficulties, I was tempted to call those books a lie. It just seemed like even though I did everything right, the desired outcome did not happen. Anyways, all the Christian homemakers talk a lot about our husbands going into the world and wanting to come home to a safe, clean happy haven. I thought I understood that, but I think my understanding was skewed.

After taking the tour of the offices where dh works, I realized something. Yes, he does go somewhere everyday and interacts with a lot more adults than I do. But the place he has to spend all day in is not home. Nor is it homey in any sense. It is sterile and computers and cords and white boards and screens and ringing phones and big meeting rooms. You might go to a clean and well decorated hotel, but it still ain't home.

My husband would tell me not to worry if the house wasn't picked up or there was undone laundry and dishes. Or even if I didn't make dinner, he would say it's ok. I didn't understand why, but now I do. When he comes home, it's a sigh of relief, to finally be in his own world. He knows that I am here, for him, and the girls, working at home to keep it up the best I can, stretch our dollars, do creative work and so on. I've decorated according to my tastes, so it's very personalized to what we like. It's comforting to come home and feel like it is a home.

I am free to do what I want basically. Everyday, I can choose what is most important. My only boss is the Lord. That's very special. I can manage our home and family in whatever way I desire. Sometimes it's daunting, but I am free to do what needs to be done. I have plenty of time to think and pray, though sometimes I feel somewhat lonely for adult conversation and get tired of meddling babies, still, I am able to listen to the still small voice a lot easier than dh.

Perfection isn't required, just some X's and O's (xoxoxo) and the promise of food is all that's needed really. It can be difficult to be in a good mood at that crazy time of day, but I will certainly work a lot harder on that one. My husband gives all his effort doing a job that isn't always fun, and he should at least have a joyful wife and time to chill when he gets home. Now I understand why he works so hard outside on the weekends- it's where he really really wants to be when he has to be at a computer instead!

I am very thankful that he is so willing to give me help. A lot of men would feel justified not doing anything when they get home, but Matt goes the extra mile. Maybe because I have made efforts to go the extra mile for him. I am constantly amazed that simply bringing someone a drink means a lot!

Kindness and consideration...sometimes overlooked in our homes with each other. I'm so glad I realized this now, and I sure do plan to do better on it in the future.

Anyways, just sharing my thoughts!


DeNiece Barnes said...

Oh Jessica how true your blog post was for me today. I feel the same way, we do not have to be perfection in homemaking because nothing is perfect. My hubby also tells me the same thing he says don't worry if the dishes are not done or the laundry not done just take care of myself and the children schooling...especially with 5 children in the house lol....But any way I just wanted to thank you for this post. My hubby also works in a office and his office has our pictures in it and he has it decorated nicely but nothing can really feel like home but home.

Anonymous said...

Jessica, Thank you for such a great reminder. I only have one high school kiddo left at home and have recently started to feel not really needed and have gotten lazy with my housework! But you are so right about the hubby still needing me and what I do here in our home to make it a warm comforting place to be. Thanks! Blessed Day! Kim