Yesterday went pretty well, schedule wise. Not so well attitude wise. My children were very grumpy and whiney, probably from overtiredness from the weekend. This was a huge challenge for me to not fall into the same grumpiness, which I did some, but got out of it somehow :) I was actually able to get about everything done, except I didn't do a lot of cleaning- the house wasn't too bad and the grumpiness took precedence over mopping the floors. We also had a flooding toilet and a blood splattering incident...no mopping worked out fine :)
Today I changed things a tad. My husband was up late trying to find some papers for our loan and I didn't get to spend much time with him. So this morning I got dressed and made my bed, then let the girls get up so we could see him for awhile before he left. No big deal, they just got dressed and tidied the bedroom after they ate. Today I'm supposed to work in my kitchen, which will be baking bread, soaking some things, maybe baking cookies, cleaning out the refrigerator and microwave and scrubbing my sink. I am actually almost caught up with laundry, a massive accomplishment for me :) Hopefully I will be able to get things ready to do a sewing video for ya too.
I am curious to know how many of you deal with an overly busy husband. For those of us who stay at home, life can be pretty um, the same. We do have interesting things that happen and sometimes it can get really crazy, but for the most part, daily life is routine. I find myself sometimes falling into a feeling sorry for myself trap, because I am always here. The work I do is the same over and over again and much of it is completely ignored and/or unappreciated.
Because of the lack of adults in my life, I get very 'needy' of my husband's time. The past week or so, things have come up every evening, and he is busy and I'm too tired to work on anything, so many times I'm literally just sitting. I feel very disconnected when I barely spend any time with him, yet he really can't help it. And forget any romance!
This morning I was a bit preturbed because I had no idea when he went to bed last night and in order to see him I got up early and made him breakfast etc. Well he spent all morning time searching again for these papers and was in a bad mood and ran out the door. He did tell me sorry for having our papers in such a bad order, but still, to me it didn't make up for the time I wanted. However, what is the proper response here? He has to go to work, has to have these papers to meet with the guy for our home loan, or he has to finish his work so others can get on with their work, or he has to get music ready for church etc. I can feel dejected and lonely, which I do at times.
How do you not fall into the trap of self pity? I can think of all that I am doing and how it's not noticed, and then feel justified that I'm being mistreated, when in reality there is nothing to be done here- he is doing his best. He is just plain TOO busy to even think about other things sometimes, which is the fault of his job and his one track mind, lol.
Remembering that God sees what I'm doing does help a little, but sometimes it's very hard to get my emotions under control. When I see less of my husband or get very little attention from him, this is what starts going through my mind:
I am un-interesting therefore he doesn't find time to be with me.
I am fat and unattractive now and that's why he doesn't make time to pay attention to me.
I don't do a good enough job around the house for him to pay attention to it.
The food I make is no longer that great therefore he doesn't notice it much.
I don't do enough around the house therefore he has to work on it and we don't have time. (yard work etc.)
I don't complain much about pregnancy ailments therefore he thinks I'm perfectly fine all the time and pays no attention to extra needs.
All these things lead me down a path of feeling unworthy, unsuccessful, and unhappy. Yes, it should come up in his brain to think about me some each day, but my worth isn't defined by his response. My worth is defined by the fact that I was created in the image of God. If I am doing what He commands, then I really don't have to worry. I know my husband loves me and is not intentionally trying to ignore or hurt my feelings. But being the female I am, I remember the times when we were first married or courting and how attentive he was and wonder what happened. Well, our lives changed is what happened!
So, all these feelings I get into are really based in fear. Fear of failure, of not measuring up to what my husband wants or needs, not being the best. But Jesus tells us not to be afraid, so I need to work on that. I'm glad for this revelation because I never realized all these feelings were fear. Now I know and can do something about it.
Ok, got a little off topic there. I'm still interested in what others do or think when they feel a bit neglected though. Maybe we can help each other.
******Edited to add: Just thought I'd mention that last night my husband came home with a small bouquet of flowers and spent the evening with me. I guess he sensed what I was feeling, even though I hadn't really said much to him about it. Thanks for all the encouraging words ladies. I am a slight perfectionist, so I want to make sure I do everything right! I forget about unconditional love :)