There hasn't been much time for blogging lately. My second daughter became ill the other night, and our new baby kept me up for most of that night too just being cute and awake :) My head is definitely spinning with everything that is happening right now. I don't feel like myself yet.
My mind keeps going back to what my 'old self' was, like before I was pregnant and we lived in that rent house by the swimming pool. (there are pictures of that house somewhere on the blog) I was super lady! Strong, healthy, in control, juggled many projects like making quilts etc. I tend to want that back.
But God has been reminding me not to look back. That was a good time- a faith building season of our lives that He used us in other people's lives directly. But that time is over and we are in a new place. We have literally started over.
We live in a new town, in a new house that is our own now. We have a new baby, our oldest children will be attending school, and little Sarah is really growing up too. Nothing is the same as it was and won't be. We're like a new family now. For awhile my main focus will be just trying to keep up with basics- meals, cleaning, laundry, getting everyone to the right places, baby care, not to mention continuing on with unpacking things that I haven't gotten to yet and organizing it all.
I had to be extremely frugal in my super lady days- everything from scratch. Now I don't, and frankly, not a lot I cook these days is from scratch. I will do better, and I really really miss cooking right. I look forward to sourdough bread again and homemade sauerkraut and raw milk :) We will be getting chickens in the future, and you can be sure we'll have a big garden next year.
I can look back fondly and wish I could be that person again, but that's not what God wants for me. He wants me to embrace the new and allow Him to take me through whatever process to grow more. It's better to not be Martha, serving the Lord but needing everything to be perfect. It's better to have a little dirt on the floor and some sticky surfaces and some overflowing dishes and laundry, so you can spend time in the presence of God.
For someone seriously sleep deprived, I still have some good thoughts huh? LOL! It's all God- in times that I feel really stretched and stressed, He puts new songs in my head of praise to Him and victory and that He's taking care of us. Or bring someone by that can uplift and encourage me, or I'll find something on the Christian channels that perfectly speak to me.
Baby Samantha is getting pudgy! She has lost that newborn wrinkled look and is filling out. I guess if I were eating a full meal every two hours and sleeping all day I'd get chubby too! She is so sweet and so cute. When she's awake she just looks around and tries to eat whatever is close to her mouth. Yesterday I had her resting on my shoulder while I was getting her bottle, and she started sucking on my cheek! Funny girl...new pictures to come.