Or at least, when it seems to be. These past two day have been straight from you know where. I'm not kidding. Here is a brief overview:
Wednesday- I went shopping and the girls were misbehaving a lot; I am in the pms week and that afternoon, all the neighbors kept dropping by or calling and needing stuff and I was trying to put up my Christmas decorations etc. My husband's job has gone bonkers- they've rearranged everyone and put him in a position of a lot more responsibility without asking him, without giving him more money, and with no one directly above him that can back him up. Stress much? I got wind that one of the neighbors was planning a drinking/drug party in the barn across from us. My husband and I were planning to wait up and watch and then call the police; we never heard or saw anything so we didn't call. Then we find out that some unexpected bills came up and we just barely have enough money to scrape by- and I mean barely as in pennies.
Thursday: Early in the morning I get a call that there was a party last night. So, I call the dad and tell him what was going on and he comes and finds his son, in the barn with beer all over the place, girls and I know there was drugs but they hid that of course. So I'm just a ball of nerves the whole morning- getting phone calls, watching to see what's going to happen etc. I mean really, when I moved here I didn't expect I'd be helping to bust druggies. It was highly stressful and really really bad. Then my husband has a horrible day at work, has to work more when he gets home (like 2-3 hours) and we were both just a ball of mush.
My words on the screen simply do not convey what happened.
So, after I got the girls in bed I headed out the door to return some library videos that were a day late. (yea, $6 late fee for that one) Then I as I drove to walmart I started praying. I realized that satan is just trying to see what we're going to do. Are we going to forsake the Lord and His word to us in this? Are we going to practice what we preach about faith and words? You can't fight thoughts with thoughts, so I turned off the music and spoke authoritatively. "Alright, I know what you're doing (directed to satan). And I'm telling you that you will not win because I know God has not forsaken me. I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus; He does not forsake His beloved and I am His beloved. My God supplies all of my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. I have no lack because all of the promises of God are yes and amen to those who diligently seek Him. I have the peace of God which surpasses all understanding and guards my heart in Christ Jesus."
Then when I parked the car and I started crying and praying for my dear husband, for strength and peace and clarity of the mind. He was so stressed out when I left, but I had to get out for a bit because of all the craziness that had happened, I felt like I was going to pop, and he was working anyways. Then I said, "Lord, You used me today to answer someone else's prayer- let others be open to being used by You to be an answer to my prayer." I then prayed that He would stretch our gas, help me shop wisely and that I knew all things were possible for Him if we believe.
So I go inside and get the items I need for the Christmas party. I tried to be careful with what I got and price it so it was under $30. I mosied around the craft section for a bit and then went to the checkout. It rang up to $31.94- I had exactly $30. I told her that I would have to use my debit card for the $1.94 and she was sort of arguing with me about it. I was about to say just take off a few items when the guy behind me plopped down two dollars. I didn't realize what had happened- I just looked at him weird and said thanks and then walked out the door. The tears just started falling as I was walking. Once I got in the car I really let it out then.
What was He trying to say? If He cares enough to provide a dollar for me at walmart, then surely, surely He is working things out for Matt's job and our move. I just can't see it yet, I have to look at the unseen, which is faith in action. So, we keeping going. It's ok to cry a little, but you gotta remain strong and do what you're supposed to regardless of what you feel.
***Edited to add: this afternoon a very dear person gave me two $100 bills. We serve a good God.