December 5, 2008

What to do when the world is falling down

Or at least, when it seems to be. These past two day have been straight from you know where. I'm not kidding. Here is a brief overview:

Wednesday- I went shopping and the girls were misbehaving a lot; I am in the pms week and that afternoon, all the neighbors kept dropping by or calling and needing stuff and I was trying to put up my Christmas decorations etc. My husband's job has gone bonkers- they've rearranged everyone and put him in a position of a lot more responsibility without asking him, without giving him more money, and with no one directly above him that can back him up. Stress much? I got wind that one of the neighbors was planning a drinking/drug party in the barn across from us. My husband and I were planning to wait up and watch and then call the police; we never heard or saw anything so we didn't call. Then we find out that some unexpected bills came up and we just barely have enough money to scrape by- and I mean barely as in pennies.

Thursday: Early in the morning I get a call that there was a party last night. So, I call the dad and tell him what was going on and he comes and finds his son, in the barn with beer all over the place, girls and I know there was drugs but they hid that of course. So I'm just a ball of nerves the whole morning- getting phone calls, watching to see what's going to happen etc. I mean really, when I moved here I didn't expect I'd be helping to bust druggies. It was highly stressful and really really bad. Then my husband has a horrible day at work, has to work more when he gets home (like 2-3 hours) and we were both just a ball of mush.

My words on the screen simply do not convey what happened.

So, after I got the girls in bed I headed out the door to return some library videos that were a day late. (yea, $6 late fee for that one) Then I as I drove to walmart I started praying. I realized that satan is just trying to see what we're going to do. Are we going to forsake the Lord and His word to us in this? Are we going to practice what we preach about faith and words? You can't fight thoughts with thoughts, so I turned off the music and spoke authoritatively. "Alright, I know what you're doing (directed to satan). And I'm telling you that you will not win because I know God has not forsaken me. I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus; He does not forsake His beloved and I am His beloved. My God supplies all of my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. I have no lack because all of the promises of God are yes and amen to those who diligently seek Him. I have the peace of God which surpasses all understanding and guards my heart in Christ Jesus."

Then when I parked the car and I started crying and praying for my dear husband, for strength and peace and clarity of the mind. He was so stressed out when I left, but I had to get out for a bit because of all the craziness that had happened, I felt like I was going to pop, and he was working anyways. Then I said, "Lord, You used me today to answer someone else's prayer- let others be open to being used by You to be an answer to my prayer." I then prayed that He would stretch our gas, help me shop wisely and that I knew all things were possible for Him if we believe.
So I go inside and get the items I need for the Christmas party. I tried to be careful with what I got and price it so it was under $30. I mosied around the craft section for a bit and then went to the checkout. It rang up to $31.94- I had exactly $30. I told her that I would have to use my debit card for the $1.94 and she was sort of arguing with me about it. I was about to say just take off a few items when the guy behind me plopped down two dollars. I didn't realize what had happened- I just looked at him weird and said thanks and then walked out the door. The tears just started falling as I was walking. Once I got in the car I really let it out then.

What was He trying to say? If He cares enough to provide a dollar for me at walmart, then surely, surely He is working things out for Matt's job and our move. I just can't see it yet, I have to look at the unseen, which is faith in action. So, we keeping going. It's ok to cry a little, but you gotta remain strong and do what you're supposed to regardless of what you feel.

***Edited to add: this afternoon a very dear person gave me two $100 bills. We serve a good God.


ElleBee said...

Thanks so much for posting this Jessica. I really needed the reminder today that He is always faithful, even when we doubt.

Joy Comes in the Morning said...

Thanks for the post. We are going through some difficult times. Hard economic times have hit here as well. Praise the Lord there is talks of a raise for my dh. But I am in my last trimester of my third pregnancy and I have started having problems. The baby is fine but I have developed a severe sinus infection with double ear infections. Normally, I would take some meds and it would clear but I have had this for 3 straight weeks. My face feels like someone has beat me and I am very weak physically. This effects us so much. I am no longer able to be the mother I want to be or the wife I want to be as now I am put on semi bed rest. I hate it when my mind sees things that need to be done but my body doesn't want to help out. So anyway, thanks for your reassuring post. It always helps to hear a dear sister testify. I am don't have alot of friends that share the beliefs I do so fellow bloggers mean so much. I got a deal for you. We will pray for your family and you can pray for ours:) We can hold each other up because I know that satan is testing us in these finally days. Blessings.

liz said...

jessica, it will all be ok, one time, we were so low on money, and i mean LOW...7.00 in the bank until payday which was 5 days away, with four kids to feed in between ,i was so worried, i knelt in prayer at the foot of my bed,before His cross, and prayed for peace of mind. In the stillness of my bedroom, clear as a bell..the Lord spoke to me, he told me not to worry,i had never HEARD Him before,He listens, and answers, sure, we cant help but worry,but not too much, He's in control!!I dont remember how we got through the week, but we did!!Never doubt His awesome-ness!!

Anonymous said...

I am speachless. And ashamed of myself. So, thank you.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Amen! We serve a mighty, good God indeed who loves us so much we many times for got that. He does care about the big and the small and is ever faithful to provide! Amen! Thank you so much for sharing!!!

Mary said...

I love reading things like this. Yes we do serve a loving God.


Sarah said...

Great post, Jessica. My car has been in the shop twice in the past week and my computer crashed while we were putting Christmas lights on the house. Satan is trying to get me down, but I am not going to let him. You are right, we DO serve an awesome God! I think Satan will be working overtime during the season of Christ's birth, but we have to remember that He will always take care of us and keep His promises!

Mrs Flam said...

Continue to have faith. I pray even in bad times , for i have faith god will provide. When i was young I wound up with no money for my rent one month 125$ I walked out to the store to scour the parking lot for change so i could buy dinner , praying and talking with god , giving him thanks for his blessings. I found 2 Lottery tickets within feet of one another. Scratched on the wrong sides , one for 100$ in winning the other for 25$.

God provides to those with faith.

debbieo said...

You were right to speak to satan out loud, he cant read your mind. He can put thoughts into your head but the only way he knows they are affecting you is by the way you respond to them. So since he cannot read your mind you have to rebuke him out loud. Works. Greater is He that is in thee than he who is in the world.
Hang in there.

momstheword said...

We do serve an awesome God. Many years ago, before my husband became a pastor, he was out of work for almost a year. The Lord provided for us in so many ways. It was amazing.

We never went hungry, always could pay our bills, and never lost our home or anything. We lived on severance, then on savings, and on the graciousness of our friends and our church. We were even able to give Christmas gifts to our then-young children at the time because of a stranger giving us some money (she had heard about our need through another homeschooling family).

So the Lord is gracious and will take care of your needs, because He has promised and He is faithful!