I am finding out more and more what it truly means to be crucified with Christ. Dying to self...becoming a living sacrifice.
You see, if my aim is to be His servant, to be used by Him in whatever way He needs me, then that means that some things won't make sense, or even seem fair. For instance, I posted awhile back, many months ago, about a friend who was my best friend growing up. She was an atheist at the ripe age of 12 and I began praying and witnessing to her when I felt the Lord leading me. Long story short, she got into drugs and alcohol and prostitution to get the drugs and alcohol, had a failed marriage and health problems. I saw her off and on throughout the years after her 'liberation' and continued to pray. Well she finally saw the light and got saved in the fall of '06. We became best buds again yet enhanced because now we were on the same side. It was awesome! Well, after a year or so, she just kind of dropped me.
So, now I see. When everyone in her life is casting her aside, she turns to me. Now, during this year she got lots of Bible teaching and fellowship; I spent lots and lots of time with her doing these things and just hanging out, driving her places, helping her in whatever way I could. I was there when she needed me even though I had a husband and children and a home to take care of.
So then I move here and get some neighbors who we become friends with. Well, they are newly married have lots of problems. Enter us- my husband and I. We've spent MUCH time staying up late at night and doing things with them etc. The wife has renewed her relationship with the Lord and we have formed a friendship. However, the husband is way messed up and basically just lies to us- he acts like a Godly Christian to us, yet goes home and treats her like dirt and doesn't even try. But see, I've just now realized this. So they are splitting up and I've lost another friend, who oddly has the same name as the aforementioned one.
What am I? Do I just fill the needs of the hurting and broken and they move on? Do I just continue to pour out my life to those who need love and attention and God, yet allow them to use me or move out of my life?
Yes. Why? Because when it's all said and done, it is worth it all to just help one person come to Christ or renew their relationship with Him. There is a song on my playlist over there called 'Worth it All' by Disciple. Listen to it.
It doesn't matter if I never have another good friend again besides dh and Jesus--I must do His work. I am frustrated because of the lack of a happy ending, but all I can do is my part. Which, I am still praying hard for his eyes to be opened. Still, the realization that I was being lied to is hurtful. I must forgive and move on.
I was so disheartened this morning that I couldn't even read my Bible and wanted to look for another house to rent. But then I felt led to call my mother-in-law, who just lost her mother. I called and ended up lifting her up and encouraging her and felt uplifted myself! I talked myself up, because I was speaking the Word of God to her :) LOL
So, do not grow weary in doing His work, because great will be your reward in Heaven. He sees it all and will bless you. Right now He needs willing laborers- the fields are white with harvest, yet who will bring it in??? ME!!! Use me!!!