I am so sorry for the consequences of your past. Honestly, reversing words is easy. The next chapter of the book goes into more what we say, but I will just tell you what I would do. First of all. you have repented for what you said. Believe that you are forgiven and that it's all gone now. Start walking in confidence that there is no condemnation on you for that. (Romans 8:1)
Find scriptures that talk about children and that they are a gift and a reward. Find the verse in Psalms about God giving you the desires of your heart. Find the verses in John 14 about 'whatever you ask in my name, I will do it" Infertility is now your 'mountain' so to speak. You have faith as small as a mustard seed, so you can move mountains. But it is up to you- God can't make your mouth speak His Word. But you can speak what He would speak, which is His Word.
Start confessing these scriptures each day. Make a confession( saying the Word) like this and say it several times a day, write it on paper and stick them around the house.
"Father, your Word says that You will give me the desires of my heart, that children are a blessing and reward and that by His stripes my body is healed. I thank you for perfect health from the top of my head to the soles of my feet and that every cell is working just as it was designed to. I thank you for the work you have done in my body and for the children that you have for me. I will now rest in Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, and praise You. I thank You that in the name of Jesus, I have all these things."
See, you have to say with your mouth the scriptures and confessions because faith comes by hearing (with your ears) the Word of God. After you say it over and over again, it will become part of you and strong faith will rise up within you. I have experience it, a lot lately :) You set a new plan in motion, and stay with it regardless of what you see with your physical eyes.
It may sound weird, but it is the truth and it works. The world was made with words, this is how we operate in this life. WORDS!! God said it and that settles it, but it can take time for it to be manifested physically. I now think that if I had known then what I know now, I would have prayed that baby live again- be raised up inside my body. Is that such a radical thing? Lazarus was dead 4 days in the tomb, yet he was raised up. Jesus said we would do even greater things that He did on the earth.
So Broken, let's not call you broken anymore. Let's call you a miracle. Start saying it now and forever. It will be tempting to 'call it like it is' and to say negative things, but DON'T DO IT! I have worked hard, almost to the point of tears, to keep my mouth shut when my flesh wants to speak- I stop myself immediately and think of what God's Word says about the situation, then I say that instead. I do NOT care who is around when I say it either. The truth is what God says, not what you see with your eyes, saying what He says really is calling it like it is!
To anonymous- thank you for you kind words about the baby I lost. However I wanted to address something you said that I've been told many, many times. People are always saying God won't give you more than you can handle. It is meant to be comforting, but for me, it is irritating.
You see it gives me the impression that God is up there trying to see how much He can put on me before I break. Then when it's just heavy enough that I don't fall over, He leaves it there. God is not the author of sickness and death and poverty. We live in a world where the evil one runs rampant, and truly hates us all because we are God's creation, so he wreaks as much havoc as he possibly can. I don't know everything, but I do know that God didn't take that baby away to give me rest. My words set an evil plan in motion for that baby. I didn't realize it until several months ago what happened. God did not cause my oldest to be born with genetic abnormalities. We've already called her healed and are standing firm on that. She will awe everyone one day soon.
So, I know God won't give me more than I can handle, but Satan will make sure to apply as much pressure on me as he can. He wants me to fall and be defeated- I can't be a good witness for Christ if I'm barely able to get along can I? I'm not jumping down on you anonymous, just bringing to light what it means when someone says 'God won't give you more than you can handle'.
Sarah- I am sooo overjoyed that what I say has helped. Sometimes I feel like I don't really have anything to say, but I realize I am 'reaching the world' a bit through the blog. So, the best thing I could do is pass on what I've learned. We are the body of Christ, and I want to help whomever I can live a victorious life on this earth till Jesus comes back.
***********To Everyone Else****************************************************
I have pictures to post of the quilt- yes it is done. I have already cut out a dress for my middle daughter and am cutting squares for another quilt. Crazy huh? Looks like I'll be sewing for quite awhile, but I am getting faster at it so that helps. Anyways, I am babysitting my niece today so the pictures will have to wait.
Maybe later I can post something on a new topic :)