Forgive my lack of just being around- general busyness and some issues of my own have kept me away. I did well the beginning of the week last week, but things started going downhill Thursday. I don't know if it was hormones or what, but I'm better now :)
One thing that I wrestle with weekly and that I've noticed other moms are struggling with, is that we all somehow seem to think we aren't being good moms. My main problem is getting distracted with doing things in the house. I allow myself to think that if I don't keep things spic and span that someone will judge my worth as a person. I get to the point where I feel that 'I just can't stand to have grit on the floor, toys strewn around etc.'. I constantly have to step back and reevaluate what my purpose is in life. And I always come back to this: The house will always need cleaning, meals will always need fixing, and laundry will always be present. My little girls however, will not always be little, and I don't want to have regrets that I was chasing after something temporal and not the eternal souls under my roof. Even my own mom admitted she didn't think she was a good mom, and we thought she was the best mom in the world!
Something else I think most women forget is that we have an enemy. The word 'satan' actually means 'adversary'. He hates us and wants to destroy our lives and get rid of us. We are trying to obey the word of God and raise our children to be godly and strong in the faith, to be wives that are loving and submissive to our husbands and to make our homes the strong refuge they were meant to be. Of course he will make us feel like we're wrong, like we're not doing enough or whatever! He wants us to compare ourselves to other women and see our faults so clearly.
We forget that we've been bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus, that we are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. We have access to the Holy of Holies anytime day or night- we are now blameless and spotless because Jesus took our place and lives inside us.
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1
I can't tell you how many times the thoughts have gone through my mind of 'things would be so much easier if I just had two children, or if Leiah weren't special, or when I just had one child etc.I could do so much more, I could have lost the weight already etc.' Then the ensuing guilt comes for even allowing myself to think something like that. But this is what I have now, this was God's plan, I need get in the now and not let myself desire the past. I may not be the person I am now if I only had one or two children, or if Leiah was more 'normal'.
Honestly, though there have been some hard times, I wouldn't go back or change anything like that. I would go back and make myself learn all about woman's calling and learn how to be a wife and homemaker before I got married, but again, can't change it. Thank the Lord I've learned what I know now. Who knows, maybe I wasn't ready for it then.
So, when those thoughts go through your mind that you are failing and not being a good mom, tell the devil he is a liar, that the Holy Spirit is your guide and smile. I am planning to take my own advice today :)