I am frustrated at the moment. See, I did it again. I decided to host a Mother's Day afternoon tea party at my home. As usual, time has snuck up on me again and I now realize I do not have enough time to special order quality loose tea and accessories in order for it to arrive before the 10th of May. Plus, I want to make some tea cozies, the cute little covers that go on the teapots to keep the tea hot. I cannot find a free pattern online in the style I want and I don't have any idea how to free hand one. Why is it that something that seems so far in the future can sneak up on you so quickly? Deep breath. It will be ok- what I build up in my mind does not have to be the reality :)
Ok now on to what I planned to write. I was thinking about all the posts I did on rock and roll. It must seem strange for someone committed to home and family to enjoy or rather, crave rock. (ha,ha) I guess I should explain a bit more.
I am a paradox. I realized today that I always have been. As a child I LOVED playing with dolls tea sets, Barbies 'playing house' and dressing up. Loved it. However I also really loved digging in dirt, catching bugs and frogs and playing sports. I could easily flip back and forth between tomboy and girlie girl. I've never really fit into any particular group or mold. Maybe this is why I can't seem to get a good schedule for our family.
So, some days we wear feminine dresses and make cookies, some days I wear jean capri pants and a t-shirt and get down and dirty in the garden or cleaning, some days I wear a frilly shirt and jeans and flip flops etc. I can't ever seem to lock myself into one thing. If I decided we are dresses only, then I'll think 'what about when I go to a concert' or ' if we go fishing again what would I wear?' Wearing a dress doesn't fit in my mind. So,we do both.
Maybe I sound wishy washy, but that's not it. Here are the things that stay constant in my life:
I am always committed to Jesus and living for Him.
I am always committed to doing my best in everything I do.
It is my desire to give my best to my family.
I am always open to witnessing to someone else about the Lord.
I am always 'watching and praying' and waiting for our Lord's return.
Our meals and bedtimes/naps are at the same time each day. (mostly)
We have a rhythm we follow daily, it's just not always the same sequence of events.
That is my heart anyways. Some days I work like mad cleaning house etc, some days there's lots of stern talking and tears with the littles, some days there's lots of playing and broken crayons on the floor, some days there's crying and feeling inadequate to my girls. Am I a split personality?LOL just kidding.
Today I've been pondering what I would like as a master schedule for our family. I was asking myself questions like, 'what is most important to accomplish? What do I want my children to do each day and learn? What memories do I want to create? Who do I want to be to them and my husband?' It became more about things like that than just trying to cross off the many tasks we performed each day. We do benefit from routine and the children need to be kept busy, so I'm still working on it.
Anyways, back to being a paradox. I love being a homemaker and sewing dresses and having tea parties. I look forward to teaching my girls how to cook and bake, learn to do needlework like embroidery and knitting, my house is decorated with lace and doilies and teacups and Victorian artwork. But deep deep down, I'm a rocker. Gimme the jeans and crazy hair and subwoofer amps. Just today, while driving back from speech therapy, I wasn't feeling too good, time to remedy that. Turn on the rock and headbang a little, fixed me right up :)