September 16, 2008
I live in a friendly community. I am surrounded by the people I go to church with and well, grew up with. I see them driving or walking by almost everyday.
Yet, I still feel isolated. Alone during the day. Why is that? Well, the grandmother of everyone (not us) whom we rent from is confined to a wheelchair and can't get around. I can visit, but it's a pain with the girls because while I'm trying to talk with her they are off meddling and it's so hard to keep them all with me. The other neighbor is also handicapped and she works on the computer all day long and absolutely cannot have any noise going on or she will get in trouble with her boss. (she takes calls/orders for companies) The other neighbor is newly married, sleeps till noon and has her own things going on. We do hang out, but not everyday or anything.
I have created somewhat our own family culture that is very different from what everyone else does. Maybe that's where the isolation comes from. What's important to me isn't to others. They are constantly telling me, " I don't know how you do all that with three kids." Well, maybe if you visited you'd find out!
Maybe I seem too busy or something, but I think it's because they don't understand what I'm doing. They don't understand why I hang laundry on a clothesline when I have a dryer. They don't understand why I sew our clothes instead of buying from walmart. They don't understand why I make bread and cook from scratch instead of buying it. Or why we are having a fall garden, or why we are building a chicken coop. What is important to us is not important to others, even though they are the sweetest Christian people I know. There are differences.
We are just different- if I had millions of dollars do you know what I would do? Pay all my and my family's debts off and then buy a farm. I want an old, refurbished farm house with a giant red barn, plenty of land for gardening and playing, a large wrap around porch, and a massive clothesline. That's it. Oh, and grain mill too :) I enjoy the work that is involved in taking care of a home and family the old, slower way. I've been that way since I watched Anne of Green Gables for the first time at the age of 8 years old. My husband is with me- he really enjoys being outside and watching the plants grow and building the chicken pen. He thrives on it and wishes he could stop being a computer programmer. I might be willing to move to Upper Michigan if we could farm and live next to his cousins that farm with 9 kids :) I don't now if I could handle 6 months of frigid cold weather though...major culture shock.
Some days, I feel really alone. All of my 'mom friends' are now back at work because their kids are in school. All of my single friends have ditched me...my mom is crazy busy and so is my sister. Pretty much everyone I know either works or is disabled. I don't go to MOPS anymore because it just doesn't do much for me. I've tried making new relationships there before and no one wanted to let me into their lives. I'm just too different I guess.
So, that leaves you, my blog friends :) I know that I am not alone at all, but I really struggled with this last week. Being cooped up in the house for several days made it seem worse too. (rain)
Doing the same things, over and over and over, each day just like the other...just kind of got to me. I believe the work in the home is very important and I guess that's the big difference between me and most other women I know. Unfortunately, my dear husband catches it all and I have a hard time letting him do what he wants because I'm so hungry for adult conversation and loving attention from him :)
So, if you've never commented before, feel free too. I could certainly use some friends :)
Posted by Anneatheart at 7:14 AM