I'm feeling really crummy today.
All night I was stewing about what in the world I'm going to do for the next several days. Because you know, I was supposed to be moving. I am so sick of this house. It has been void of anything decorative or personal for months. My bedroom is a blank sterile massive room with a tiny bathroom that I can barely fit into. The living rooms and kitchen are like a solid piece of wood with bad lighting. The house is so big it's such an effort just to get from on part to the other, at least for me.
I am uncomfortable and sore and can't do hardly anything. I can't climb up to stuff that's up high to pack or crawl around on the floor to get stuff. My children just trash the house so most of the time I'm busy trying to maintain some sort of decency. the bathrooms stink and need cleaning, the girls' room is a mess of toys that I had boxed up and they got back into, the extra living room is filled with boxes- packed and empty- and stacks of stuff for Goodwill. And I can't do anything about it!!!
I've tried asking for help, even paying someone for help, and they're just too busy. My husband is doing all he can poor thing, but what do I do? I ask myself that question all day long, what do I do now? My plan got ruined and not only that, no one knows anything about when we'll close, it's just all up in the air. If I just had the keys to this house, that would be something. I could at least clean it and bring lighter weight boxes over myself. I'm sure I would be more energetic then. Right now I just look around and instantly lose motivation to do anything.
Same thing, over and over again. Cook, do dishes, wipe stickies, stop fights, do laundry, wait, wait, wait, get hot, do more cooking and clean it up, wait some more...stop fights, stop fights! Wait, and wait, and wait...
I know what I should do...I should suck it up, take some pain medicine, clean up the house, re-box what they got out, and continue with packing what I can. But I'm just so mad still! I've been crying out to the Lord to help me get over it, but it's just so frustrating. It makes me nervous that I only have two weeks to move and get all the school stuff straightened out and prepare for a baby. I don't know how we're going to pull it off.
I just want someone to care about us. I feel like I'm screaming and no one hears or cares. We're just names on a piece of paper to those loan people. I'm just another patient to my doctor. The people that do care are too busy or too far away to do anything.