July 22, 2009

Reality of me

Alright, to those of you who like reading about the real me, here's a reality post for ya. Yesterday was kind of a hard day- I wasn't as energetic and motivated to work on the house, I was hurting more and just tired of waiting to hear something about WHEN...will it be Wednesday or Thursday or what???

Plus, my children have been feeling it too and since I have many of their things boxed up, were kind of bored and driving me nuts too. In the midst of that dh calls and tells me we can't close on the house this week. I lost it. I completely and totally lost it. I started crying, shouting "I can't do this anymore! This is so unfair!" I hung up on dh, he kept calling back, I kept hanging up because he was trying to calm me down and I needed a moment to be angry.

I am so not proud of that moment, but I felt as stretched as I could get, and that broke me. The people who came to appraise the house for the insurance company somehow messed up the pictures, so they had to re-do them, and the loan company is a few days behind, so it may take till Friday to get everything approved, even though technically we've already been approved. Still, we already had a moving company lined up to move us on Friday, I've recruited others to help, boxed up many things that I could still be using...

The only reason I was able to calm down quickly was because I didn't want to stress the baby out. I was just absolutely furious. But, I recovered. I realize that what seems awful to me is nothing compared to what many people are going through right now. And it's not impossible for them to get it done quicker and possibly still close this week. It's rather embarrassing to write all this, but I'm human and make mistakes. No one has it all together.

I must remember that the Lord is ordering our path and that He knows what I'm feeling, what we're dealing with and will provide accordingly. He already has in many ways. One day I'll look back on this and think wow, how did we do that?? Power from God only!

Well, time to go to the doctor. I drive an hour one way for 10 minutes of doctor time...why do I have to go every week again??


Saved Sinner said...

We just bought our first house and I know how frustrating it can be when things don't seem to be miving along how you are expecting them to. We had the added factor that it was a repossession which means the sale can fall through any time up to completion so nothing was definite till then. (Although that did give us a month of overlap as we had to give a month's notice on our rented house so didn't have hassles about moving date.) I'm praying that it all gets sorted out soon for you.

Tereza said...

I understand! Things do get hard and overwhelming sometimes.....I hope they fix the issue soon.

Mommy Saves ALOT!!! said...

I have been where you are. Many Times. You are not alone and I appreciate your honesty. It shows your human...:-)