I am really touched by everyone's encouraging thoughts and prayers for sure :) Thanks. I thought I would address a few comments for further discussion.
To Kelly- thanks for finally commenting :) You are amazing to have almost 6 children and a special needs one. Special children are just that- special- yet they come with their own different problems or issues I guess to deal with. Leiah is pretty much always happy and smiling, very compliant, although she is starting to buck up a bit but that's actually a good thing, showing that she is growing in her development normally. Blessings on your pregnancy.
To Lori (Michigan Momma)- You amaze me too, knowing what you go through and that you still desire many children. Homeschooling and pastor's wife and children's music person and 4 little ones. YES GIRLS ARE TOUGH!!!!!! I had no idea! I know I put it bluntly about the gutted fish comment, but I went through a process and really feel like I was robbed of something. With Leiah, there was no choice. She could not have survived a vaginal birth and I am thankful we did the surgery. That was the worst one. With Alexa though, the doctor really pushed me and scared me into it. I later learned more info and SO regret not seeking out a midwife and going that route. See now, more doctors and hospitals are paranoid and fear lawsuits so you can't even find a hospital or doctor that will 'allow' a trial of labor. That ain't right. With Sarah I had found a doctor that would allow me a trial of labor, and then at the last minute she said 'Oh, I will only let you go to 40 weeks before we have to intervene, and oh by the way, I am going out of town, so if you get another doctor he will do a c-section." Kinda put me in a hard place. I did change my OB doctors a few times as well.
I will say that the last birth went very well- the best experience by far- but, I was never able to nurse well and that really bothers me. My girls are healthy and were raised on formula, but I still wish I could have done the breastfeeding thing. I was just in so much pain from the incision and bleeding boobs that I couldn't deal with it. Plus with Leiah, she was so weak she couldn't latch on, so I pumped. With the other two I had other children to deal with and having never successfully breastfed before, I was stuck. What's a mama to do? That is why the hospital sends a can of formula home in the pretty little diaper bag- they know. LOL!
Sarah- we do what you do for the same reasons and because hormonal birth control really affects my body badly. I would feel quite bad knowing my eggs were being fertilized and basically aborted because there was nothing to attach to. That was what the Mirena IUD was doing, which I had for 18 months. The doctor actually told me- you are using birth control that is more effective than a tubal. Your uterus is like the Sahara Desert right now. Yeah, and why would I want it to be like that?? That's not healthy.
Lori- this is the main reason why we hesitate about something permanent. What if in a few years we decide to abandon all birth control to have more babies and can't? I am 26 and am already missing my babies because they are growing up. I miss cradling a newborn on my chest, their soft downy head next to my cheek and their sweet baby smell.
I am thinking a year from now we will more than likely start talking baby :) I will have the baby bug for sure by then and we should have everyone potty trained. But, you never know, we may get that 'closed door' feeling in the next year and not want another. The most important thing is that we desire to do the Lord's will, whatever it is. We don't make this choice for selfish reasons. Hey, I totally have faith that my uterus is whole and healthy as if it had never been cut before. God can do that and I believe He already has. Trouble is it's hard to convince a doctor or midwife that. :)
Anyways, that's all I have time for at the moment. Thanks again for the encouraging words and prayers. How wonderful to know that even though I've never met you, the body of Christ still comes together and supports fellow believers.
Oh, the waterpark went well. I wasn't sure little Sarah would make it- she's pretty insistent on that three hour afternoon nap. She laid on a beach chair for a little bit, then got back in the wave pool. We got slight sunburns even though we used SPF 50 sunscreen! A summer in Texas will cure you of liking summer. Lord thank you it's about half over! Isn't that sad?