July 7, 2008

Roller coaster of emotions

I feel like I've really neglected my blog the last week. I'll tell you why. Remember how I posted about female things and that I was expecting my monthly friend? Well, it didn't come as expected. I was freaked out until this morning that we were having another baby.

My emotions cycled from terrified to ok to happy to terrified. For like 6 days this went on. We are trying to prevent pregnancy, but we know it's not 100% reliable. We are so uncertain as to what we should do- my parents want us to permanently cut our fertility off, but we don't know if we're ready for that. We want a little boy, so another baby is probably in the future, but it's just so complicated. My husband is almost 37 and I'm 26, so we're still young :)

So my thoughts and heart were all consumed with all of that and I couldn't really focus on much else. I'm a little disappointed, because I had just settled that I was pregnant and that the tests weren't picking up the hcG hormone yet. But, I am perfectly fine with not being pregnant :)

Well anyways, so that's what was going on. Today has been really busy and not going how I had planned so I must go for now.

16 comments:

Rachel said...

Been there myself. :) I'm glad the question was finally answered for you. Not knowing and dreaming up all kinds of things is not fun!

Anonymous said...

If it is not too personal...may I ask why your parents are telling you to sterilize yourself? Is your health poor?

Thirdtimemomma said...

oh Mama dont I know your sentiments. Truly. My prayers are with you and hope for the best for your family. :)

Anneatheart said...

To-anonymous- my health was poor- I had 4 pregnancies in 3 years, all c-sections and one was a miscarriage; my oldest is special needs. So, they think that we are nuts to even want any more children.

Sonja A. said...

Wow. Been there done that. (We almost stopped having kids after our oldest child was born with soooo many medical issues. But we waited, and were blessed with our son who is sooo healthy.)

Our family in Italy were going to have the vasectomy thing done in a few weeks when they moved there...and wouldn't you know...they are pregnant! LOL. :) I'm beyond excited because I get a new little niece or nephew. (They find out next month if it's a girl or boy. :D) They are not as excited, as they were done having kids, just moved to Italy, and ready to enjoy their time in Italy as a family of four--and kids over 2 years old now. God has some crazy plans, huh?

Well, I just wanted to say bye-bye for a bit. We are in the process of moving to Germany. The packers came today to pack everything...boxes everywhere, lol...and tomorrow they pack the truck. We lose our internet after tonight too. I just stopped by Candy's blog and wanted to stop by yours real quick too.

We will be leaving Thursday to go visit our family in Alabama. Then we will leave around August 3rd from the Atlanta Airport...as long as our passports come in. :)

I hope to check on your blog while in Bama, but like I told Candy...it'll be short and not many times. I hope you have a great rest of your summer! I look forward to hearing more when we move to Germany.

Sonja

Buildeth Her House said...

I can relate to the emotional turmoil.....
I have 5 children....would love another but at the same time just the thought of the ups and downs of preganancy scares me. I feel like I don't have the time, strength & energy for it.

Shannon said...

Hi Jessica~
I saw your comment on Stephanie's blog about NT/weight loss, and I hope you don't mind if I throw in my 2 cents...
I am revamping my own cooking habits/diet using NT as well, but regardless of whatever diet or eating philosophy you follow, you just have to remember: 3500 calories, no matter what form it takes, still packs on 1 pound of fat. It is important to replace empty calories and refined foods with good solid nutrition, but even with NT you still have to practice portion control. These foods and recipes are often more calorie dense and thus you probably need to eat smaller portions.
It took me a long time to master, but I learned to know my body's signals when I am truly full. It's a slight warm sensation just below the sternum. I learned to eat very slowly and put my fork down in between bites instead of wolfing. When you eat fast, your body doesn't have time to realize it's full and then you overeat.
The key to weight loss with any diet/lifestyle is universal and eternal...eat fewer calories, move more. And I know exercizing is hard- I have four boys and my plan to exercise each day doesn't always happen!

On the topic of pregnancy and sterilization...I wholeheartedly recommend a fantastic book by Nancy Campbell (of Above Rubies) called Be Fruitful And Multiply. If you want, I'll send you my copy- it not only covers why birth control (including natural family planning) is a sin, but gives encouragement to trust God that all outcomes are His perfect and divine will for your life. It was instrumental to me in defending our choice to let God decide how many children we'd have to my incredulous inlaws.

ccsmomma said...

I had this happen to me last month too. I was over a week late and had taken 2 tests. I had all the symtoms, but 2 negative tests. I went through a roller coaster of emotions from complete terror (the idea of an 'unplanned' pregnancy) to sheer joy for God's unexpected gift.
I know how very stressed out not knowing can make one feel. I just chalked it up to an unusually long cycle (they happen from time to time.)

Hang in there,... you'll feel better.

Anneatheart said...

Thank you Shannon- I don't really overeat a lot except at dinner. Usually it's been 4-5 hrs since I ate and I'm so hungry. Today for example, I drank some kefir smoothie (strawberries and bananas, no other sweetener) a little of cooked brown rice with cinnamon and natural sugar, whole wheat sourdough toast with coconut oil and some organic jam (less than a teaspoon) and some coffee. Still, that is quite a bit of sugar. For lunch I ate some leftover chili-beef and beans- with a bit of macaroni, a garden tomato and watermelon. I got real hungry around 4:30 and ate some toast. For dinner I ate 3 salmon patties, mashed potatoes and cole slaw, don't know how much of each and drank lemonade. Later I ate a couple of slices of homemade banana bread. So, I don't think I'm overdoing the calories, don't really have a clue how many I took in at all but I know that fat burns fat, so I don't cut that down. Maybe too much starch, but we are on a budget...drink more water??

My Life With Boys said...

I know exactly how you feel about the pregnancy thing. I've had a 'scare' a couple times since having Noah (21 months old). I too, would go from dissapointment to excitement and so on. I'm especially nervous now since my huband just got started a new job and the insurance doesn't kick in for another three months! I just keep telling myself that God knows our circumstances and if He decided to allow us to conceive then He'll also provide for the new addition. Also- all your stressing may be causing Aunt Flo to be a little late. ;) Take care!

Shannon said...

Cut your carbs (breads) and sugars. That will help a lot. Eat lots of veggies, fruit, and nuts. Nuts & raisins will help in between between meals.

As for babies, I made the choice of having my last one last year. I'm 36 and they gave me every test under the sun with her and said that I was high risk even though I'm perfectly healthy. I had a c-section and I told them to "do it". I have 5 children. :) I'm happy.

Whatever you choose, be happy with your choice. :)

Hugs!

Lori... said...

What ever you do...don't do anything perm. I was 30yo when our youngest was born and I had a tubal - the worst mistake of my life. It messed with my emotions so badly and my cycle! I had it reversed just three years ago and I am back to "normal". I'm sure you realize - God has a plan for how many children He wants for you! And He has all the provisions under control too! Are you an your husband comfortable with leaving it in His very capeable hands?

Anneatheart said...

Hi Lori, No, honestly we aren't comfortable with leaving it in God's hands, because we will keep having two babies in the same year! LOL, we believe that God set our bodies in motion to reproduce and if the conditions are right, we will get a baby. Last week though, if I had been pregnant, it would have been a miracle of the Lord, because we are very careful. I do believe He can close my womb but my faith is not strong in that area>

Lori... said...

I understand your apprehensions. I use to think that way, but I've changed in that way, over time. I am living proof that all those natural laws don't always stand true. We haven't used any sort of BC since the reversal [3 years ago] and still nothing. I don't know that I believe God 'closes' wombs because the Word says that NONE will be barren, BUT I do believe that He has divine timing, which is what I believe is going on in my case. I just want to have any that He will bless us with. Whether that be 2 or 12! Have fun at the waterpark!

Lori... said...

I just found an article that MIGHT interest you - I really enjoyed it...

http://heartsforfamily.blogspot.com/2008/07/are-we-so-arrogant.html

Crystal said...

I so want another baby and so does my Dh. But since I have PCOS it's really hard to acheive that. My 1st pregnancy at 18 was far too easy to achieve. I wasn't trying but is one of my greatest blessings. My 2nd we tried for a year and a half. After losing 20 lbs I was able to conceive. We have been trying for going on 2 years and nothing has happened. I think I am beginning to understand God's reason for this. I have always wanted to adopt and he is opening my DH heart to this as well. I know that God knows best. Just please pray for me and my family.