February 24, 2009

Mixed Emotions

Yesterday was a blah day. There were a lot of things that needed to be done, but I had pretty much no motivation or energy to do them. Not only that, I felt on the verge of tears all day too. I couldn't figure that out, but then I realized I'd been doing a lot of research about c-sections and birth and I felt very frustrated to be in the middle of it all.

Why didn't I seek out other options with my second child? Why did I blindly trust the doctor? Why am I in this mess now? I don't know, but I know that whatever decision I make, it will be big. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to achieve a vba3c (vaginal birth after 3 cesareans) because I want to be something special or to prove something. I mainly want it so I can recover better afterwards and have a better chance at breastfeeding.

Did you know there are many birth videos on youtube? Wow. I've been watching those and while it's inspiring, it's a little scary too. Could I really do that?? I have been able to find women who have had multiple c-sections that accomplished a vbac and have done it with twins! Very encouraging. I have found several studies by medical doctors that the rate of uterine rupture is still less than 1% in multiple c-section moms- compare that with a 39% chance of fetal distress issues.

What it really and truly comes down to though is my faith. Do I really believe that God can do anything? If I have faith as small as a mustard seed can I really move a mountain? God's Word says I can. Is having a natural birth as impossible sounding as crossing the Red Sea or marching around a walled city and seeing the walls come down? I believe He has healed me inside and out, as though I had never been cut.

But here's the problem. Even if my faith is strong, there still are pretty much no doctors or midwives who will take me on. So the only choices I have are to labor as long as possible at home and then go to the hospital hoping I'm far enough along that they will let me deliver, or do it at home, just me and my husband. By the way, everyone in my family and friends has been told we're having a c-section. No need to freak them out, because they will be even more worried, so this is a secret.

Anyways, I am seeking God's desire for us. I think He wants me to do what I want and will work with me whatever I choose, but this is such an opportunity to build my faith and step out, and would be an awesome testimony. So, we're at a crossroads here. Do I take the red pill, or the blue pill?? (sorry, just re-watched The Matrix)

If anyone is alarmed by this talk, please don't be. I've been studying this since my second was born. I'm well informed, and once you've done as much research as I have, you'll probably feel the same way. Life can be risky at times, but we have a Helper.


Jess said...

I understand fully how you feel. I had to have three csections. My first child was in terrible distress and my blood pressure was bottoming out, he would have never survived a natural birth. I labored with him for three days and at the end when he started to be born he was just too big for me and that caused him to go into distress. It was a very very scary feeling and time but I was so thankful that the Lord provided another way for him to be born.

When I was pregnant with my second I studied on VBAC, I researched it and talked with my doctor. He was very willing to let me go thru a VBAC and gave me all the material I needed to study on this. However my second child was breeched, he was sideways and would not move an inch, so again a csection.

With my third baby I went into labor at home(my water broke at 12:30 in the morning) and traveled 2 hours to my doctor (I was still with the same doctor I started with in the beginning, we moved but I couldn't bear to have a different doctor, I really liked him) however we had another csection my little girl was breeched as well she was butt down.

I have always longed for a vaginal birth, mainly like you said to heal faster in the end. It seems to me every csection gets harder to heal from. But when it comes down to it it really doesn't matter how they are born just so long as everything is okay with them.

I think researching as you are doing it great. I believe in letting the Lord guide you and he will if you trust in him. I just strongly suggest that you keep looking for a doctor or midwife that will help you with the VBAC. You never know when you will need a doctor or midwife to help. They are out there altho they are hard to find sometimes.

Good luck, and God Bless you and your family.

4gr8kdz said...

I stopped by your blog. I am a labor room nurse. I have to admit that if I was your nurse and you were attempting a VBAC after that many C-sections I would be terrified caring for you. Even if the statistics are in your favor the risk is very very real which is why so many physicians will not allow you to VBAC after multiple C-sections. It just wouldn't be prudent. Labor and delivery is a natural healthy process in a woman's life. Emergency events are not the norm, but when things go wrong, it can be lifethreatening for the mother and child. Due to increased knowledge and advanced medical care maternal deaths and fetal demises are very low, because of medical intervention in those rare circumstances. Things that go wrong in labor and delivery can result in injury to the baby that sometimes is not evident until the child is school age. The ideal birth is one that results in a healthy mom, healthy baby and a happy family. It shouldn't be how you delivered your baby. Even if you deliver by C-section, still have a birth plan. Make sure you are not anemic or dehydrated. Both of those can prevent your milk from coming in. Have the baby brought right in to your recovery room if you have a C-section. Have the baby nurse immediately right after you come out of the OR. Have the baby go to no one but you and dad before you breastfeed before going to other family members. Siblings can be involved.
Enjoy and Good Luck

Dora said...

Is it worth the risk? I too have had 3 c-sections and would LOVE to have delivered this one naturally (6 weeks to go) but the reality is there are too many risks.

I don't mean to be a scaremonger but I am a aware of a woman who went against all recommendations to have a section and laboured at home, only to have her previous scar rupture and baby died.

Ultimately it doesn't matter how the baby comes out as long as he/she comes out safely and healthy.

I realise you are researching this and your faith in God is strong but the fact remains there are risks and God has provided us with an alternative way of delivering in this modern age. It doesn't make us less of a woman or mother.

Of course the final decision is yours but please please take care.

Mary said...

In my 13 years as a special ed teacher I have had two children in my class that were there as the direct result of their mothers' uterus rupturing during labor. Both children sufferd devastating disabilities. BUT... how many moms had no complications at all??? Many many many more. KNOW the risks. Do everything in your power to be prepared. Pray hard. The Lord will guide your decision.

Anneatheart said...

Um, I do recall saying that I was undecided and may still choose a c-section. Like I said, you guys jumping on me with horror stories certainly don't help me much. I read an article yesterday about a woman who died 30 minutes after her cesarean. This was in December of last year in Michigan- she somehow got embryonic fluid in her and had a heart attack.

So, there are risks all over the place, which is why this is difficult.